No news is good news!

Hi there…

 

My blog updates seem to be monthly now and I do apologize for the silence.  I always say “no news is good news” and I’m happy to report that this is the case with me.  My recovery was gradual and regardless of the ups and downs, my body is healing well and my bowel reconstruction was a success.  I have had no leakage, blockage or infection… the abdominal pain I experienced has become a minimal or occasional occurrence.  My energy levels started to increase as well, enough so that Steve took me to Las Vegas!  Oh yeah… Viva Las Vegas!  We were gone for 4 days.  Enough time to enjoy some sun and warmth to thaw my bones and have enough fun and not get into trouble.  I didn’t mention it before because we were still anxious about how my healing from surgery would go and we needed to be sure that I was able to get away.  

 

We had a wonderful time and it was a much needed getaway.  I think one of the things I learned on this trip was I forgot how to have fun, or maybe I should rephrase it as I can stop feeling guilty for having fun.  I’ve been going through a lot of mental battles lately (because for some reason I must feel that physical ones just aren’t challenging enough right now).  There has been much to be thankful and grateful for but there wasn’t much to laugh or be carefree about for a while (recovery from surgery was much harder than I anticipated and there were too many losses from this disease, over the last few months, for me not to be affected by it deeply).  It took time for me to realize that I was allowed to let go and enjoy myself.  Enjoy life and not worry about the repercussions of every action I took.  This was a chance to not have responsibilities, feel structured, and be scheduled and regimented.  I didn’t go ridiculously crazy but I did throw caution to the wind … 

 

Two weeks later, my digestion and energy levels have plummeted and I feel like Garfield the cat, in that I could sleep with my head in my food.  I fell asleep today outside of Zofia’s class, waiting for her.  Didn’t even know I dozed off!  I thought maybe I did too much on our trip, but now I’m suspecting that how my body is digesting food is a bigger factor in this next phase.  For a year and a half, everything I ate was digested through my small intestine and evacuated a few hours later.  It took what I needed and my body didn’t need to worry about processing the waste.  Now, everything I eat is being processed through the colon and regardless of how healthy I am eating, it’s still taking a toll on my bowels and I don’t feel as energetic as I used to.  I have begun playing around with a new menu plan for myself… this time incorporating a Paleo approach of no grains.  I won’t be able to do Paleo entirely, but something along that line.  We’ll see if that helps.  Walking everyday with Rose, our beloved puppy, has ensured that I go for regular exercise.  That too is something my body is struggling with… the ache of creating muscles.  Ouch!  It’s a new body and a new phase… I just need to find patience and not be frustrated with the down periods.  The surgeon did say that it could be up to six months before my bowels start a regular routine and not exercising for almost 2 years also had an effect.

 

What now?  Well, I have a CT scan booked for February 27^th and I meet with the Oncologist on March 6^th.  I will have the answers to the questions that are swimming in my head then.  I would normally type “I can’t worry about something I have no control over, so I won’t”, but I can’t type that because that is exactly what I have been thinking about.  I need to hear that nothing new has blossomed.  That the cancer is still dormant.  That I don’t have to go back to chemo just yet.  I am just being honest.  I am human.  I am keeping a positive outlook, but I am tired.  It is more challenging and takes more effort to do things now.  Is this the way it will stay?  I have no idea, but I will work hard to gain back even ground again and I will accept what is and embrace it.  I will own it and make it mine.  I just need a little more time to adjust to this “new normal”.

 

Spring has arrived early and we have had the crocuses, birds, deer, coyotes come visit already… the bears will follow soon, along with the tulips, lilacs and the roses.  I love this time of year… new beginnings.  Gung Hay Fat Choy!

 

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”  Joyce Meyer