Learn your lesson now.

Well, our heat wave has taken a break and if we’re lucky, we’ll have it again.  Let’s be honest, when the rain comes and the weather starts getting colder, we’ll think back to these days and wish we could have enjoyed it more.

 

My fourth round of chemo is done and while I am waiting for the treatment to do its magic, I have already starting giving myself the Neupogen shots - day one started yesterday.  And no, giving myself the shots are not any easier this time, but I didn’t think it would be so no disappointment there.  The Oncologist has increased the shots from five to seven to ensure that we don’t have another delay.  This round was only a one week delay, whereas I have been continually having two week delays.  I will do as the doctor ordered and we will see on September 23if it worked.  September 23 is the next date for chemo treatment.

 

There was another change in the schedule and that was the CT Scan.  I was to have one this week but it was cancelled.  I need a minimum of six to eight treatments under my belt before I can have another scan to see if the treatment is working.  But on a positive note, there is blood work scheduled for next week for them to compare the tumour markers. 

 

It’s been some months now and I have undergone some physical changes. I have lost more weight than I would like, but I have been making sure that I keep up my food intake and build muscle to stay strong.  My hair is much shorter... pixie cut exactly, with more than a sprinkle of grey and a lot of thinning on top.  I suspect it won’t be too long before I start sporting a GI Jane look.  None of this is surprising as it is all part of the process, but it is not who I am.  Cancer did not recreate a new human being, it’s just trying to destroy the original.  Cancer is not who I am, but what I have.  I am still the same old Angela – a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, and a friend – and as long as I remember that, than it means I have not given Cancer any control over my life.  But Cancer did give me something... a lesson.  Everyone goes through life learning a lesson but sometimes the lesson can be a gift that is passed on.  Don’t let what I am going through be a waste.  Learn your lesson now.  Appreciate and value the life that we have been given.  You may not always get what you want, but it puts things into perspective when you realize there are people out there in this world who will never have what you already do.  Never take that for granted and always be thankful. 

 

The waiting and not knowing can be daunting.  I want to say that I don’t worry and I’m not afraid, but I am only human.  A million thoughts do pass through my mind and every now and again there may be a negative one, but they have no power and I only allow them to filter through, keeping the positive ones I want.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again... worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening, it just stops you from enjoying the good stuff.  Last weekend was one filled with soccer, laughter, giggles and ridiculousness.  Steve and I also celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary.  And it’s for those very reasons that I choose life.  My life....all the good stuff.

 

Angela xox