Hello … it’s been awhile. As I am sure you have guessed by now, I retreated into self-preservation and it was something I needed to do in order to rest and gain back some strength. This last round was kinder to me, but still a struggle at times. I’m just gaining “normalcy” in time for chemo on Monday – Round 23.
I had my appointment with the Oncologist yesterday. No decisions will be made with regards to a chemo break until I have had my CT Scan. The scan is scheduled forJune 18th. Once those results have been reviewed, decisions can be made. By law, 24 rounds is the maximum amount of treatment I am legally allowed. Not just because a body can only take so much of the toxins, but it’s also because I am a very expense line on the government’s ledger. The Oncologist will fill out forms and submit it to the government for consent for further treatment but the results of the scan must show that the treatment is working. I must show improvement, not just containment, or they may deem that treatment is a waste of resources. Chemotherapy itself is very expensive and the protocol that I am on is very pricey. I believe that my results will be positive. Given my past scan results showed shrinkage, it is proof that the protocol is working. The key is I must have continued shrinkage…. Containment may be considered a stalemate. Another possibility, is that the government may decide to consent to further treatment but remove one of the drugs in the protocol – and should that happen, we will look at other alternatives.
I’m always learning new things, new treatment possibilities, new emotions and new ways of thinking. I wrote earlier that anger is very draining and useless. But in fact, I have learned that anger has received a bad reputation. Anger is passion and passion is good. When you release that anger, that passion, you make room for love and forgiveness. What we don’t want, is to keep the anger bottled up, because that creates bitterness. Bitterness will fester and destroy all the good in you and it just broods more doom and gloom… a hormone called Cortisol. Cortisol is excreted into your system when you stress, worry, become anxious etc. and it is given reign to wreak havoc in your body. Our thoughts are very powerful … if you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.
Meditation is a terrific balm, but it isn’t as easy for me as it would seem. It’s my stumbling block. I cannot turn my brain off – allow “ego” to take a flying leap off a short cliff. Healing yourself from disease, whether mental or physical, can’t be solved or remedied with just conventional and holistic medicines, exercise and diet change. Those will help, absolutely. But to truly heal, we need to focus on the spiritual as well. And that isn’t always easy for some nor is addressing the spiritual comfortable for many. So, that is my next stage of healing and what I have been doing. Delving into my inner “self”… my higher “self”, so that I can truly heal and be whole.
I am happy to report that our home is alive again… blooming with flowers and greenery. The cobwebs have been swept away, the weeds have been pulled, the garden has had its much overdue overhaul. I was never one to enjoy being in the garden. Didn’t have the time, let alone the inclination. It didn’t help that I was not born with a green thumb and most of what I planted had to accept the conditions it was placed in… being watered when I remembered to water it. But time changes things and I do enjoy sitting and reaping the benefits of hummingbirds, robins, stellar blue jays, butterflies and bees that come to visit. It’s an orchestra out there! When you plant something, you believe in tomorrow. I believe. So I planted.
Wishing all the Dads out there a wonderful, memorable and happy Father’s Day!
Love, Angela
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Maya Angelou
No comments:
Post a Comment