renewed sense of gratitude, thankfulness and determination.

Well, it’s been a whirlwind of activity the last two weeks… I’m exhausted but I’m happy.  The weather is beautiful and as long as there is a breeze to take the edge off the heat, it’s all bearable.  Thank you everyone for all of your birthday wishes and prayers!  It was a day surrounded by love and laughter and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend the day. 

 

Summer is in full gear and I know that some have already hit the road.  Our trip starts on Saturday. Last year we didn’t make our annual trip to Osoyoos as I had just begun my chemo treatments.  This year we are going!! The kids are excited and cannot wait to load the van and disappear into the desert for a week.  But before we can do that, I have a series of appointments this week before we leave for vacation. 

 

Yesterday was appointments with my hypnotherapist and my surgeon  The surgeon’s appointment was for my “every 6 months” follow up...  time does fly!  I anticipated the usual banter of “How are you? How are things? Any problems with the ileostomy? We’ll see you in six months.”  But he took me by surprise.  He’s very encouraged by the my scan results and has ordered the images from the cancer agency to review in conjunction with the written reports.  Although he and my oncologist have different views on the subject, my surgeon would like to schedule a colonoscopy to explore what the main tumour looks like now and he also wants a PET scan scheduled.  Although the CT scans that I have done every three months are sufficient for monitoring, the PET is more detailed.  It provides 3 dimensional visuals – so all tumours, nodules, and lesions will have not just a length and width, but also a depth measurement.  It will also show any other possible “sites” that the CT may have missed because they might be too small or buried.  Although the surgeon does not promise me anything, as long as what he sees is contained and the removal of the current sites don’t cause more damage, we can discuss the hope of surgery.  The man was true to his word.  Now, this could all be months in the waiting, and it might not even happen.  It doesn’t matter.  Because I walked away from the hospital yesterday afternoon with a renewed sense of gratitude, thankfulness and determination. 

 

Tomorrow will be the Naturopath and a Reiki massage.  My last visit with my naturopath was the week prior to my last attempt at chemo treatment.  When she performed her battery of tests on me, she didn’t want to discuss the results.  She didn’t want to upset me and thought it best just to wait until my chemo break and see how things are with a few weeks of recuperation.  Obviously, they weren’t good.  But I anticipate much better news when I go see her tomorrow. 

 

Many of you have asked about the results of my bone scan… and I will tell you, I have no idea what it says.  One of the things that I promised myself on this chemo holiday, was that I would focus on “the now”.  I would “just be” and for those of you that know me very well, that has to be one of the hardest lessons for me to learn.  But I’m doing it.  I believe the results are fine and there are no new “sites” except for the existing one on my sacral bone.  And should there be another (which there isn’t) there isn’t anything I could do about that now anyway.  I have no intention of going back for chemo until August 6^th.  I plan on enjoying this break and making the most wonderful memories with Steve and the kids so that I can pull them out again when I need to ride out any future struggles.  I still have the usual side effects from chemo – after all, I have enough chemo in me to last for some time.  But I do have more energy.  And I have even more good days than bad.  Life is good people!  I kid you not… I’m happy.  I’m loved.  I love right back.  I’m going to be just fine.

So I encourage you to take time out and “just be”.  Give yourself a “time out” and sit for 15 minutes.  Clear your mind and really look at the beauty all around you.  Soak it in.  Feel each breathe, breeze, scent, and emotion.  Listen to the leaves, the water, the giggles and even the upset.  It’s like a child’s touch and feel book.  For some reason, as we get older, we forget that we live in a four dimensional world.  Or maybe we don’t forget… we just take it for granted.  There is more than the view in front of you… just look a little further… a little deeper.  It’s amazing what the power of that “time out” can give you!

 

Have a spectacular summer and we’ll chat again when I get back.  Sending my love and endless gratitude to you all.  May you know what a blessing you are to me and I give a prayer of thanks EVERYDAY that you are part of my Tapestry of Life.   

Love, Angela xox

 

“When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of “Me, too!” be sure to cherish them.  Because these weirdos are your tribe.”